Am I awake?

No, for real, am I?

I feel like I’m in a dream; numb, surreal, and discombobulated.  Everything has happened so quickly in the past two weeks, that it just seems to blur together the way a dream does once you awake.

It seems like yesterday that we got the travel orders and Cody moved into the new house on base but I actually had to look back at e-mails and my blog posts to find out that was three weeks ago! Holy crow!  I leave for Germany in a week.  GERMANY!  I am leaving the country I’ve known since birth, all my family and friends, people and places I’ve loved and called home, leaving them and moving across an ocean to an entirely new country where they speak an entirely different language, and I feel numb about it all.
I am normally ruled my my emotions; crying at commercials, sad songs… Hell!  I cry EVERY TIME  Mrs.Jumbo rocks Dumbo with her trunk through the bars of her jail cell while “Baby Mine” plays in the movie Dumbo!  I just can’t help it!  But here I am thinking about moving to Germany and… nothing.  None of it seems real.  Especially having to give the dogs away.  I keep thinking I will wake up and they’ll beack; Pepper in her kennel and Roxy in my bed.  Pepper is already with her new family and tonight is the first night that Roxy won’t be with me.  She is staying with a family for a few days to see if she will be a good fit for them.  This will be a cold and lonely night.
That was some emotion today.  I’m bringing my sweet, loving and loyal dog and PRAYING that they love her and will keep her. Praying that her strange doggy ways from her abusive past don’t turn them off, and praying that she doesn’t feel so abandoned by me that she won’t let them get to know her.  I cried on the way home because I don’t think anyone else will be interested in her, and I don’t think the humane society will take her, and I’m positive the shelter will kill her.  No one want’s an older dog, everyone want’s a cute cuddly puppy.  But Roxy is every bit cuddly; she sleeps at my feet when she’s not allowed on the couch and when I give in and let her up, her little world is complete as she lays her head on my lap, her body curled up in the crook of my legs. 
This couple is kind and patient though.  They could see how hard this was on Roxy, and they could see that she was confused and anxiety ridden.  They seem to be understanding and loving and I hope they win each other over.  Good god do I hope!  By Tuesday they will let me know if they can take her… and if they can’t… let’s just hope they can.
Perhaps my body knows that I can’t handle emotions the way I normally do.  Maybe it just knows to numb it out so I can get done what must be done.  Can that happen?  The only other emotion I feel is the excitement to see Cody again.  I’ve been counting down the days and I can finally say seven!  SEVEN DAYS until I see my husband!  In the 8 months we’ve been apart we’ve seen each other 11 days.  It will be nice to actually live with him again.
And besides that, I feel a pressing urge to spend all the time I can with everyone I know.  I want to have coffee or drinks or dinner with EVERYONE, but time and my wallet won’t allow it.  But I know in my head and my heart that I’m not saying goodbye, just see you later.  Nonetheless, three years is a long time. 
So I suppose it’s time to wrap this post up, but for feeling so numb, I’m emotionally drained.  I don’t quite know how to pull this together cleanly , I feel like this post sort of rambled on with no real connection from one idea to the other.  But that’s how the past three weeks have been, so perhaps it’s appropriate to end this post in the same way I feel; unfinished and disheveled.