Or so my inner child tells me.
Gregory Maguire is one of my favorite authors. I love how he takes child hood stories in which the characters seemed so cut and dry; The evil stepmother and her spoiled, bratty daughters, or the wicked witch of the west, and gives them a spin that only adulthood can make you realize, and empathize with.
As you grow into adulthood, you realize that nothing is black and white. That the ideas of “good” and “evil” can change with perspective. In his novels, the wicked which is simply a victim of social neglect and political slander, and those spoiled bratty step sisters? A community's skewed perception of a mentally handicapped child, her homely sister and their family full of secrets.
Sometimes in life you have to make decisions that hurt and cause great heartache. Decisions that, as a child, seemed black and white, good and evil. As an adult those decisions are made with reason and you guess at the future and what will ultimately be the best outcome for yourself and everyone involved. And sometimes, you cry because the decision you had to make was one that you never thought you could, or would because you grew up believing it was bad or evil.
Today was that day for my husband and I. Today we made a decision that brought tears and somber to our entire day. Today we decided that we have to re-home our dogs. After everything that happened today with the travel office, reviewing all our options, playing out scenarios of the future, and figuring our finances now and later and MUCH later, we came to the conclusion that re-homing our beloved pets would be easier on not only us in the long run, but also better for them.
This separation is starting to take it’s toll. As a couple we are still pretty strong, but the insomnia being apart causes, is taxing my body. As you can see by the post times of these blogs I stay up pretty late , and Cody tells me he has the same troubles falling asleep at night. It’s just easier to stay awake as long as possible via distraction, until sleep claims you suddenly, than it is to lay and think, and miss, and cry. Besides that, having a pet in the military is a privilege, not an entitlement so the cost of moving them is left entirely to us. A cost that we don’t think we can afford every three years for our entire military career. A cost that involves many factors that add up to thousands of dollars when it’s all said and done.
Traveling for animals is stressful and can be traumatic. Roxy came from an abused home and I’m not sure how well she’ll handle being in a kennel on a plane for hours on end. Pepper, on the other hand, is so young and chipper I think she could handle going over Niagara Falls in a barrel made of glass. And to do this every three years, the stress and chaos on us and them, is a lot of what we took into consideration.
So while my logical adult brain is telling me that I’ve thought this through, I’ve made a choice through logic, reason, and well-being for all, the kid in me says “This is wrong, you don’t leave your family behind. You don’t just give them away” Leaving me feeling selfish, evil and with out moral standing.
I sought the advice and support of many family and friends today. All of whom were supportive and gave wonderful ideas, offered a sympathetic and un-judging ear, and sound advice. When I told my sister-in-law my guilt at abandoning Roxy after she had been abandoned by her previous owners, she replied “Your not abandoning her, you’re finding her and Pepper another loving home.” My mother-in-law commented that when we got Roxy, our lives were in a much different place than they are now, and my own mother reminded me that I was indeed strong and making a tough choice was not a new thing to me. I am so grateful that I have this loving, supporting group of people to care about, and who care for me. It makes being the "evil villain" a lot easier to bear.
PS- A special thanks to all the people I leaned on today. You made a world of difference for me today, and you make this world more beautiful everyday. THANK YOU!
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